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Tuesday, 5 January 2016

Stuck in a rut.


I think we've all experienced this feeling on a number of occasions. No matter how many people you talk to, you can't seem to get yourself out of this 'rut' you're in. I'm saying this because I've not had the best start to 2016 and by writing my feelings down on my blog, normally by the end of it, my mood changes and I become more pro-active. I'm at that point in my life now that I'm starting to see those around me excelling in their careers. More importantly, they're able to invest and save money, putting it into their future whether they are on their own or have a partner. The difference is that these people have full-time jobs, most being 9-5, Monday to Friday. And as much as I despise the thought of myself having that sort of lifestyle, I can't help but envy it. I'm an emotional person, I try and keep my emotions to myself but sometimes they are kept in for so long that they end up exploding and it normally results in me having a little cry. As I'm writing this I currently don't have a job. I HATE not having a job. I'm a workaholic and if i'm not working, I end up getting into this state of sadness where I just give up on everything and I can only see the negatives in my life. It makes me feel selfish because I know I have so many people around me that love me and there's so many others out there that don't get the opportunities I have, but when you're not being fulfilled in the most major aspect of your life, i.e a job/career, I can't help but be sad.

I miss acting so much and from what I've experienced from it so far, has hardly been satisfying. Those few days working on the scifi trailer were the best few days I've had with my acting career so far. The buzz of being on a set, the fun and natural feeling I got being there was where I belonged. Knowing what you want and realising it's not as easy to get it as you thought it would be, is incredibly tough. I've longed to feel a change of heart in my career path but I know it's never going to happen because acting is my passion. It's where I excel, it's where I can fully be myself and most importantly, it's where I belong.

I'm going to be honest in saying that these first five days of the New Year have been pretty lousy. However, today I'm going to the gym, I'm going to do a severe leg work out and I'll follow it up with a strict ab workout every day. I'm going to practise my monologues for my audition at drama school until they are perfect. I'm going to blog every day from now and make this other passion of mine into something that will take me places. I will not give up until I'm going from set to set, where I belong and where I am most happiest. 

2016 is going to be a good year and this 'rut' is not going to stand in my way anymore. (See, I told you I'd cheer myself up.)

Natalie-Ann x

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