We got married back in 2022, and although it doesn’t feel like long, we’re already coming up to 4 years of marriage, which feels insane to me. But then I realise that right now we have a toddler who is two and another one on the way, so a lot has changed in those last 4 years.
I was never one who dreamed of the perfect wedding when I was younger. I only created a Pinterest board once I was engaged. Truth be told, I didn’t think I would get married. I didn’t have much luck with boys when I was younger, which made me feel as though I wasn’t compatible with marriage. Strange how your teen mind works, hey?
So with four years of marriage under my belt, what has changed? If anything?
You feel more connected as a family unit, even if it’s just the two of you
I definitely felt more connected to my husband than ever. Although marriage really is just a declaration of love and a legal requirement, it certainly felt more than that when we were signing those papers as man and wife. It’s like you become a partnership, a team of two, taking on the world together.
My husband and I always had a close connection from the beginning, and one where we were both very honest about our future and what we both expected. It’s a lovely feeling to know you’re taking on life together.
It’s an absolute ball-ache to change your surname on EVERYTHING
Ok, this really is the worst part about marriage. I’ve had my surname for the past 30 years, and now I’ve got to change literally every document and bank account with my new surname. That, for me, was a mammoth task, and I don’t think I actually changed my surname on most stuff for a while. Partly because of the hassle of doing it all, but also, it’s the final point at which you’re letting go of your name. It’s been a part of me for so long, it’s part of my signature, my identity.
Letting that go is probably the hardest part of marriage, that is, if you choose to let it go or keep it. For me, I much preferred my married surname over my maiden name.
You feel giddy and child-like when calling your partner, your husband
Honestly, it’s the funniest thing that many of us feel this way after getting married. You’ve likely spent a long time saying this is my partner, my girlfriend/boyfriend, significant other, etc. So when you go from that to husband/wife, it’s a funny transition that both Sam enjoyed harping on about with every opportunity we got.
At the same time, though, I definitely defaulted a few times to partner, forgetting for a moment the name change when introducing my husband to someone new.
Life goals may change or be tweaked slightly
It was a big but easy step to make when it came to deciding upon having children. We both wanted children, and I think it’s wonderful nowadays that people have a choice on whether to become parents. Being parents is not what we were all put on this earth for, although the pro-lifers would probably say otherwise.
Having a child is a huge responsibility, and it’s a sacrifice that you need to be willing to make. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be a parent or to make that sacrifice.
But as part of becoming a parent, that’s exactly what I had to do to fulfill that dream. My career has certainly taken a step back while I play the role of ‘homemaker’. Don’t get it twisted, though, because I’m still working full-time around raising my kids, and it’s incredibly challenging to be a freelance writer working from home when you’ve got a young kid demanding your attention.
While you’re told you can do it all as a woman, when it comes to being a mum, the reality is that you can’t – unless you have the help of course. Thankfully, I now have a nursery for my little one, which has helped me claw back some of my career as it stands.
You’ll find a need for further growth and creating your own space
Being married doesn’t mean you have to be ‘tied down’ in the sense that you can’t do anything beyond you and your husband. I still desire my own goals and a direction in life that’s about me, and not just about us as a family unit.
Having further growth and a need for creating your own space in married life is perfectly normal and something that can really help you feel like an individual in marriage and not just as a partnership. Both can be true in marriage.
If you’re married, let me know in the comments below about what you feel has changed since you said ‘I do’.
