Whether you’re in the midst of the postpartum period right now, have experienced it, or have yet to experience it, it’s a journey. I’m expecting my second at the time of writing this, and being aware of postpartum now has really helped to ease my mind, or at least prepare it for what it’s going to endure.
My first postpartum experience was tough, as it is for most women, but I think the common problem is that postpartum isn’t talked about anywhere near as much as it could be when you’re pregnant. Instead, it comes well after you’ve had the baby, and I think that advice is best laid out upfront, in my opinion. Here are ten things I’d wish someone had told me about postpartum.
1. You’re Not Going To Feel Like Yourself For A Long Time
You know that beautiful goddess feeling that you likely had during your pregnancy. Well, unfortunately, that’s only going to be temporary. Not only does your body change permanently after you have a baby, but your whole life and existence do too.
Both mentally and physically, you’re not going to feel like yourself for a long time, and I think the problem stems from not having enough therapy or support readily available for new mums, especially first-time mums, but also, you don’t really get given the time to process it all in the moment.
For me, I didn’t really feel like myself properly until Sonny was a year old, and I think truthfully, I’m now fully myself again after 2+ years since the pregnancy.
2. The Guidebook For Parenting Doesn’t Exist
The hilarity of creating a ‘dummy’s guide’ as a first-time parent. I just think, bless me for doing that. I made a full Google Doc with pages and pages of information. Did I use any of it? Barely!
I think we sacked it off after the first week or so because a lot of the information you get is common knowledge. The rest is a learn-as-you-go type of situation.
That’s probably the frustration of being a parent, especially for the first time, because the official guidebook to parenting doesn’t exist. You’re not going to get everything right, and everything you do, another parent is going to do differently. Ultimately, we all have different lives, needs, personalities, and children. That means the guidebook is going to be different for every individual family.
3. You Should Lean On Your Mum Friends For Advice
Having mum friends in London was a real game-changer because I was so far away from any friends or family. That made things incredibly difficult and challenging. Looking back at that first year, when it was just my husband and me as the support network, is harrowing. I feel so sad for that version of me that had to spend so much of her time alone with a baby.
However, as soon as I got to the local sensory classes, I made two wonderful friends that I could only wish to have moved with me to Stoke. I know that it will happen again when I get to local classes in my area, but I feel it’s so important to lean on your mum friends both near and far for advice.
4. There’s Going To Be Some Hair Loss
Hair loss, man. I didn’t expect it to be so apparent and for it to just show up by surprise. For me, it’s the left and right corners of my hairline, which I think is the common area for most mums when it comes to hair loss.
As if sacrificing your body wasn’t enough during pregnancy and birthing your baby, hair loss that makes you look like you’ve taken a shaver to your head is just plain rude.
So expect some hair loss. I didn’t really do much in the way of rectifying it, but I think this time around, I think I’ll be looking for hair products and trying out some collagen gummies or drinks to help improve hair follicle strength.
5. There Will Be Issues With Your Body Where The Answers Aren’t Definitive
One of the most frustrating parts of postpartum for me was the weird reaction my body had for many weeks, and I do think it lasted for a few months after pregnancy. My skin had a bizarre rash all over my body, and it was ITCHY.
No one could really tell me what it was, and it wasn’t until I got Emollients that it resolved the issue. At the same time, I feel like it was too late, and the problem solved itself before I could make full use of the creams I bought.
Either way, I shall have ample Emollients available this time round in order to tackle the problem if it arises again.
6. People Around You Will Stop Visiting Or Asking How You Are Fairly Quickly
When the baby first arrives, there’s a flurry of visitors who will come by to see them, wanting a hold and a huddle. While that’s lovely, the visits will then peter off, and that’s probably around the time when you want to have some more visitors because mentally and physically, you’re likely going to need the support.
Unfortunately, that lack of visitors and people asking how you are tends to disappear fairly quickly, and that can be hard to come to terms with.
7. Remember You’re The Parent, So Don’t Be Afraid To Set Boundaries
As the parent of your child, if something or somebody is making you feel uncomfortable at any point, then don’t be afraid to set the boundaries necessary. Whether that’s wanting to put off visitors for the first week or wanting to be the one who feeds your child. Remember, you are the parent, and often the tolerance for people pleasing disappears for many who become new parents.
8. Your Hormones Are On Another Level
Hormones are a bitch. They mess you around before you get pregnant, during, and after. For me, my hormones were definitely elevated to the extreme in those first few days, weeks, and months of being a new parent.
For the first few days, I didn’t really want to go outside, and when we did, I felt the overwhelming sense that someone was going to try to snatch my baby. The first few weeks were tough emotionally, struggling to grasp breastfeeding and navigate life with a newborn. Then, in the first few months, there’s so much change, I found myself upset at mourning my old life.
All of the above is normal, but it’s definitely something I wasn’t prepared for.
9. As A First Time Parent You’re Going To Mourn Your Old Life
As mentioned above, I found and still find that I mourn my old life. That was particularly the case in the first few months to a year. Nowadays, do I miss the flexibility that comes with being childless, yes. However, I could not imagine my life without my little one in it.
It’s normal to struggle with that transition of mourning what was your old life, and dealing with this new life you now need to lead. It’s a whirlwind of emotions and adjustment that you’re often not prepared for, and that’s ok.
10. Don’t Feel Guilty For Not Always Being Present
We had Sonny probably a year later than we planned due to our wedding moving forward a year because of COVID. That had a bit of an impact on everything that was going on during that first year he was here. I think we had around six weddings whilst I was pregnant and several weddings/hen parties in 2024.
That meant that in that first year of having Sonny, I was kind of on autopilot whenever I’d be away from Sonny. I was also breastfeeding, so I couldn’t properly switch off because I’d be mindful of how many times I’d need to pump, whether that was in my room or in a bathroom toilet at a restaurant. Yep. And then I’d have to deal with the engorgement, which was a whole other situation.
So a lot was going on, and in hindsight, I don’t think I was all that present. I think it’s important not to feel guilty because ultimately, that first year should have been more focused on being at home and adjusting to mum life. Your social life can wait and take a backseat. I probably wish I’d have said no to more social commitments.
What did you find difficult when becoming a parent for the first time? Let me know in the comments below.
