Jeez Louise. It’s happening. I’m turning 30. On November 6th, I will be starting what many often call the next chapter of my life. Whilst I’m not yet having a mid-life crisis, I don’t know how it’s going to hit once I actually turn 30 years old. Will I feel any different? Who knows! However, what I can take away from my 20s is a great sense of achievement in such a short space of time.
Although I don’t praise myself enough and take much time to stop and reflect on what I’ve done so far in my life, I’m going to use my 30s as a way to change that. Time to appreciate everything I achieve on a daily basis, however small. After all, time is limited and who knows how much of it we have left both individually and collectively. So enjoy this quite long list of 30 things I’ve learnt as I approach 30. You may want to get a cuppa to keep you occupied as you read. Ooo and a biscuit.
#1 – Stop caring what other people think about you.
It’s one thing I wish I could rewind time and take on board when I was in high school. People will come and go in your life and the majority of those people, won’t hold much significance in your life. With that being said, stop caring about what other people think of you – and that includes on social media. Being unapologetically you is the best version you can be of yourself. Period.
#2 – Put down your phone when you can.
As someone who has always had a camera in her hand, this is a tough one. Yes, I love to capture the moment and lock it in a picture but can I say I’ve looked back on many photos throughout my life of what I’ve taken – not really. However, of those times that I didn’t take photos, do I remember them fondly? Yes! Sometimes, it’s just good to put down the phone and spend time in the real world. You end up missing out on life by having your eyes glued to a screen or through the lens of a camera all the time.
#3 – Think before you speak.
A classic but one that remains an important lesson to learn. Holding your tongue and thinking before you just blurt something out is the better option than just saying what you’re thinking. I think this resonates mostly when it comes to topics of conversation that could cause harmful and emotional offence to those you’re speaking to. Put the shoe on the other foot and consider how you’d like to be treated and spoken to. Putting good energy into the world will help push the negative crap out.
#4 – Remember where you came from.
This isn’t meant literally but more in the idea that where you grow up may be different to where someone else has grown up. You could have come from somewhere quite privileged and there are those that come from places that are inherently more racist or homophobic. That’s why I always say that going to Devon, working there and going to Abersytwth for University opened my eyes to many different ways of life. London itself was a big culture shock. Diversity is beautiful and should be embraced but for some, it can be hard to identify with it when it’s not seen in your local area.
#5 – Take a break. Even if it’s for a moment.
This world has been built on power and money. You go through 16-18 years of education as a foundation before then going on to do further education, in the hopes that once you’ve finished that part of your life, you’ll get a good job. However, life isn’t about working for your pension and then retiring. You need to be able to live in between all of that. Taking a moment or a longer period of time to take a break is important. Not only for your mental health but because you deserve to.
#6 – Friends will come and go.
This one’s a hard one because there have been people that have come into my life and I have loved them like family. Friends are fluid in that a lot of them will be in your life for snippets before going and perhaps never seeing them again. Others will remain a constant and come in at different points to stay for the remainder.
It’s important to let it go when it needs to be let go. Some friends are toxic, others just aren’t suited to your growth anymore and THAT’S OK! You’re someone who will be very much the same as someone else.
#7 – Never stay in a job that impacts your mental well-being.
This is and was a harsh lesson to learn because my mental health was at its lowest when I was in a job, working for an individual that I despised. I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy the experience I had in this job that I managed to stick out for six months. I think if I’d stayed there any longer, things would have taken a dark turn. It was such a noticeable change though, especially for my partner and our housemate who I was with living with at the time. I was moody, would snap back, and become easily frustrated, which for me at that time in my life, was pretty rare.
So a reminder for those who are in a job that is getting to their mental wellbeing – leave. You will find something else, even if it’s a job you don’t particularly have a love for. It’s better than anything you might be experiencing right now. I honestly had severe work-related anxieties that had an initial impact on the following job I had. Thankfully, the company I then worked for was lovely and totally understanding.
#8 – The world is darker than you think.
Wow, my childhood perspective was a whole lot different from how I see the world now. You grow up with children’s programs that have no nasty, evil people on them. However, the world is full of them. It’s hard to relate to those who have such strong views against what I feel, is a completely normal thing. I don’t understand how people can be homophobic. I don’t understand how people can be racist, hateful of transgender and different gender-identifying individuals. At the end of the day, everyone should be able to live their life with happiness and love.
#9 – As a woman, you learn some harsh lessons and realisations.
Being a woman is tough. The world was built by men and works for men. It always has done and it’s only through the last couple of generations that we’ve managed to see some positive change. However, there’s still a long way to go. Many women are still losing their lives to domestic abuse, raped by men whilst walking home alone, and being treated as lesser than in a lot of different industries and lifestyles.
As a woman, you begin with naivety as a child but then as an adult woman, you become hardened to what you can expect and the accommodations that many of us still have to make for sake of a man’s terrible behaviour.
#10 – Your body is beautiful and no one has the right to comment on it.
One thing that really irritates me is when people comment on someone else’s body shape. It’s particularly frustrating when those people can have an image of what the ideal body shape is and then it’s either theirs or one that’s not attainable for everyone. Every body shape is different, let’s get down to the science of it. Genetics can influence the shape and size of the body, whilst the ability to lose weight is often down to the person’s natural metabolic weight.
Not that it’s anyone’s business to comment on someone else’s body weight but it can be triggering to those who are conscious of their body. I learnt from others that commenting on a person’s body can really have a negative impact on their mental well-being.
#11 – Money can buy you happiness but it can’t buy you time.
When it comes to money, it CAN buy you happiness. Trust me, I know that I’m a lot happier knowing that I’ve managed to get myself a property in my 20s and I’m able to experience things with my husband that I wouldn’t have been able to do so when I first moved to London at the age of 21.
However, what money can’t buy is time. The time you can’t buy, and you can’t get back. So whatever you’re doing to get that money, make sure it’s worth enough of your time and not too much that you regret living life more.
#12 – Incorporating a skincare routine in your 20s is more than appropriate – it’s crucial.
There was a point early on in my teenage years and leading into my 20s where there was this big uproar about young women using anti-aging products and that they were too young to be wearing them. At the time, I remember thinking, but surely it’s more important to prevent it than to just let it happen and then spend all of your money using products when it’s too late? Ahh, that’s where my media studies brain comes in. I have the sixth form to thank for that!
Anyway, if you’re not already, incorporate a skincare routine in your 20s. That’s for anyone with skin – so everyone. It’s better to do this early on in order to prevent and slow down the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Not that I’m bothered about getting them.
#13 – A relationship isn’t a fairytale.
Growing up, you expect your relationships to be like how Disney portrays them. You’ll find your prince and live happily ever after. Well, actually, it’s not like that for most people, and anyone who says it is lying. Relationships are difficult and there will always be times when you’re unhappy or you’re feeling different emotions towards the other person. The pandemic was a prime example of this because myself and Sam, like many other couples, spent 24/7 with each other for months.
We realised that our relationship was actually stronger because of it but boy did we get a shock the morning after our wedding. The person serving our breakfast said so many couples due to get married around our original wedding date, canceled their wedding. Why? Oh because they broke up. No relationship is perfect and neither is it a walk in the park!
#14 – Not having sex every day is completely normal.
Sex is a part of a relationship for myself and Sam. For some, it might not be, but that’s totally fine. However, there’s so much pressure put on sex. How many times you’re having it? How long you’re lasting? The positions, the sex toys, the porn. It’s a lot and as an adult, you come to this realisation – or at least I have – that not having sex every day or every week, isn’t a bad thing. Adulthood is tiring babes.
#15 – Saving your money from a young age will benefit you as you get older.
I am a big advocate of saving. This advocacy came from Mother Redman herself. I have my mum to thank for helping inspire me to save, which she did so from a young age. Every birthday, she’d ask us if we were putting some of our birthday money into our savings accounts. Both myself and my two brothers would do this for the first sixteen years of our life. For me, as I can’t speak for my brothers, I kept on saving and I am extremely grateful for the savings I made for myself, that my mum helped me with and my nan gave to me.
Saving is a part of life. It’s a security net in a world that’s run by money. Be smart, and save your money when you can. You never know when you’ll need it.
#16 – To run a business, you need to work your butt off.
As a freelance writer and blog owner, I would say that I am my business and that I own a business. As a business owner – yass queen – it’s crucial to know this one bit of information. WORK BITCH. Like Kim Kardashian so distastefully put it – ‘no one wants to work anymore’. I mean Kimmy, I get you but no. Totes missed the intention you were going for.
In order to have a business or to be successful in life, you need to have a certain amount of privilege, luck on your side, connections, the tools you need to succeed, money, and THEN hard work. Everyone can work hard, it’s just not everyone is in the same position as the next person. For me though, when it came to my blog, my success didn’t come overnight. It took several years from my first ever blog post to now, where I’m self-employed and earning double what I was on at my full-time job previously.
#17 – Everyone has problems.
Everyone has problems. Let’s just get that one as a core life lesson done. We are very quick to assume some people can have a perfect life, especially with what we see on social media. Well, just like social media, a perfect life is very often far from the truth. There are always struggles and issues that people are having. Some can cover it up better than others, so be conscious of that.
#18 – Reading is what?…fundamental.
Whilst this is a drag reference, it’s literal in its intention. READ. I was a major bookworm as a kid. Loved books and this carried on right up until I went to university. Then I kind of stopped and I miss not reading. I want to get back into it, which is why I’ve motivated myself to buy some new books for Christmas.
Eventually, I would love to write my own crime novel, so in order to do that, I need to be a reader. You learn from the experts guys, so invest in your reading.
#19 – Invest in your career.
Talking of investing, your career is something that likely plays a big part in your life. As such, you want to invest in your career. I’m like Shania Twain. Stay with me…
Shania Twain in her new documentary talked about being in a relationship and being dependent on your partner. She said, the moment you become dependent on someone else, you lose yourself. She speaks the whole truth. That is the tea, my friends. Independence is crucial because whilst you may have the best relationships in the world, things can fall apart and at the end of the day, you could be left alone.
With that said, your career needs investment so that you can continue to thrive, despite your surrounding situation.
#20 – EAT WHAT YOU WANT!
GOD WHY DID I EVER DIET?! Literally, what is the point? Why starve yourself of the food that you want to eat, when you want to eat it? I swear, I’ve met some people that cut out certain things and they’re MISERABLE. I tried dieting, and I’ve tried cutting out certain foods.
Whilst I believe in a calorie deficit, I no longer believe that you should be removing any type of food from your day-to-day life – unless it’s actually causing you harm (i.e. intolerance or allergies).
#21 – Stand up to bullies.
Bullies are everywhere. At school, college, university, workplace, in the home, and in public environments. As an adult, I’ve learned that as long as it doesn’t put me in danger, I’ll stand up for someone. If it does put me in danger, I’ll just call the police or look for assistance. Standing up to bullies helps change the status quo. It helps fight for those who don’t have a voice, have their voice diminished, or simply need your voice and actions.
#22 – Personal and professional goals are great to have.
Whether you’re someone who is career driven or it’s your personal life that inspires you most, setting goals for either or both of them, is great. Having goals, in general, is something that I’ve learnt is really important to have. My goals have driven me to be a better version of myself personally and professionally.
#23 – It’s ok to step outside of the box sometimes.
For my career path, I didn’t really think I would be doing what I’m doing with my blog and social media feeds – let alone making money off of it. A big thing I’ve learnt is that it’s ok to step outside of the box sometimes and do life differently from what you had planned or that typically everyone else does. Life would be boring if we all did the same thing.
#24 – Know your worth.
This is a big one, even though it’s further down the list. I think this list of life lessons are all equally important to the next. I’m still learning this one, especially when it comes to my career. But for the most part, knowing your worth is so important to becoming who you want to be in life. More importantly, don’t let anyone dim your glow. You deserve everything in life.
#25 – Periods get worse.
Now, this is a unique lesson for myself as not everyone who gets periods will have this. However, I cannot tell you the shift that happened in my mid-twenties when it came to my period. It’s not just the pain but Jesus my boobs. I brushed – BRUSHED my boobs the other day and I winced in pain.
Apparently, my mum tells me it was the same for her until she had children. Literally, why does a woman’s body put us through so much unnecessary shit?
#26 – You begin to not give two shits in life.
This is by far my favourite lesson. It’s one that I think I’m probably twenty years too early for but when you get to my age in life (29), you start to contemplate your life so far and think, why did I give a fuck about that? What was the benefit of this? You really do start to take life less seriously and think, you know what – I’m just going to do my own thing.
#27 – It’s ok to fail.
Failure is not a negative thing, ok? We are conditioned by society and its expectations that by failing, we may as well as give up and feel ashamed. However, failure does mean something went wrong but it’s an opportunity for success. Now that you’re knowledgeable about what went wrong, you can try again. Sure, you could fail at it again and again, but hey eventually, maybe you’ll succeed. Failure is all about learning from your mistakes and getting back up again.
#28 – You’re going to have regrets. They’re not avoidable.
Regrets are part and parcel of life. That saying ‘don’t live your life with regrets‘ is bullshit. If anything it just encourages you to avoid not doing certain things. For me, I have regrets – plenty of them. So does the next person. We’re all living with regrets. They’re avoidable and unfortunately, no one’s life is ever perfectly written.
#29 – It’s hard to accept when you’re wrong.
Swallowing your pride and admitting you were wrong is one of the hardest things you can do and not everyone can do it. You may be able to do it sometimes and then other times, you can’t back down. Admitting to something that happened or was said by yourself and being told you’re wrong is hard. Even if you fully believe you’re in the right – which, yes, sometimes you are.
#30 – 30 is just a number.
I have to admit, I’ve always found age to be a fascinating one. Numbers are just milestones to track where you are in your life of existing. Yes, 30 is older than 20 but to me, I’m happy and content with life as it is. This is another fresh chapter of a book in the life of Natalie (was Redman) Griffiths. It’s exciting and not so much daunting as people make it out to be.
Phew…that was exhausting. But refreshing. It’s great to see how many life lessons you learn about yourself and the world around you. I encourage you to do the same and with that list, put it somewhere where you can see it and continue to add to it. I’ll be sure to add to this one over the years. I’ve bookmarked it to come back to!
Let me know what lessons you’ve learned in life in the comments below.
