I had a little moment of reflection the other night about friendship. Friendship is certainly important, right? It can help to have someone on your side whose fighting your corner just for you. They are there when you need picking up and they are with you, celebrating your achievements. A friendship fills you with so much love and pride that you can’t possibly imagine life without them. But what happens when you lose friends? Perhaps it came out of the blue and you weren’t expecting it. Or maybe you knew that this friendship was falling apart.
Well, you know what – it’s ok to lose friendships in your life.
No matter how young or old you are or when you formed the friendship. Sometimes friendships end like relationships do. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s just life and we need to learn to acknowledge it instead of blaming ourselves.
You’ve Grown Up
University for me was the most exciting, full-on three years of my life. I had my ups and downs, knew what it was like to fall in love, party hard (and sometimes a little too hard), put on a lot of ‘uni fat‘ and graduated with a pretty damn good grade. But more importantly, I made friends that I know I’ll forever have in my life. Unlike High School and unlike College, these friendships have been formed on some of the strongest foundations – and what is that I hear you cry? I’ve grown up. I’ve learnt to accept who I am and in turn, I’ve found the right friendships. I didn’t expect to lose friendships from my younger years but I realise that at that time, I wasn’t myself and I certainly wasn’t the person I am today.
Sometimes You Only See The Good
Friendships can sometimes turn quite toxic and like any relationship, a toxic friendship can turn both parties into someone they’re not and it ends up causing a lot of hatred. Whether it’s something you did or something they did, sometimes it’s just better to call it quits and go your separate ways. At the end of the day, the only thing that will come out of you staying friends is more hurt and more negativity that you just don’t need in your life. On the other hand, perhaps the friendship is salvageable but it needs to be built from both sides. You can’t have a relationship with yourself after all – well I mean maybe you can.
You Have Your Own Life
Friendships can simply drift apart due to commitments in our own lives. Whether that’s having a family, saving for a house or deciding on a change of lifestyle, people have their own crap! Perhaps it’s difficult to accept this because your own life feels a little lacking – trust me I’ve been there. But always remember that we all grow and develop and have achievements at different stages. Live your life for you and not just for those around you. Be selfish, I dare you.
You’ve Moved Away
I think this is probably the most relatable for myself. Moving to London is still something I struggle with internally, especially as I’m so close to my family. A big part of me wishes that I could just move back home and live out my life where my family are nearby but that wouldn’t be who I am. Moving away can mean that friendships are strained or they no longer last but perhaps they were meant for only a period of time in your life?
It’s Too Much Work
Ever had a friendship where it feels like your batting in a one-man court? Yeah exactly, it’s not fun and it takes a lot of work. It’s hard to even call it a friendship when the only one putting in the effort to organise and see the other is yourself. In a way though, it does speak a thousand words about your friendship and whether it really is worth keeping up. I know it sounds brutal to hear but it’s never nice to always feel let down and to think that there’s not equal value in the relationship. Don’t be afraid to confront it.
Don’t blame yourself for the friends you’ve lost in the past. There are many friendships we’ve yet to forge and so many that we stand to lose. But this is just a part of life and all your friendships count for something. Whether they last a lifetime or if they appear only for a fleeting moment, that’s sort of what gives our lives purpose, don’t you think?
Who have been your most influential friends? Let me know in the comments below.