My Recent Burn Out | Why I’ll Never Stop Criticising Myself

I feel like I need to apologise to you but to be honest I shouldn’t have to and it was probably not even noticed. I recently had a bit of a burn out and I think it all came to a head last night. 

Burn Out FeelingsMany of those close to me will say that I’m a bit of a workaholic. I love working and I always try to put in 110% all the time no matter what it is whether it’s blogging or performing. I’ve been rehearsing recently for an amateur production of Bring It On and although it’s been really fun, it’s the first time I’ve done a production alongside a full-time job and a full-time blogging business.

Yes, you are correct in thinking that something had to give and in this case it was my blog.

Blogging has become an online business for me and it’s only growing with every second of work that I put into it. I wish I had more hours in the day or that I could go full-time with blogging but at the moment, it’s just not feasible. And that’s really getting to me. Knowing that I’m not too far from being able to take it full-time is frustrating me and in turn, my mind is telling me that it’s time to give up because what’s the point?

But that my friends is where the battle starts and that’s what causes my burn outs and breakdowns. Because I don’t want to give up. I know now that I’m not cut out for a 9-5 job where I see the same people everyday for the rest of my life. I want to set my own hours, I want to see the world and I want to create content that helps others.

I haven’t posted a blog post for nearly a week and to me it already feels like a lifetime, like I’m out of the loop in the blogging community. And with now not being able to schedule posts for my Facebook profile because Facebook is an absolute knob that just wants to make my life harder, I now have to dedicate more of my time to promoting content that’s already on my blog.

I mean, I do feel like I’m rambling and that I’ve talked about this before on my blog but I think sometimes I expect the world from myself and when I don’t always push myself, I get angry and then have a few days where I just feel crap and feel as though my life is at a bit of a stalemate.

However, these burn outs are teaching me to be a bit less brutal on myself and that the grind of working tirelessly will be pay off. One day I’ll be able to take my blog full-time and I hope that I’ll feel a little more at peace with myself when I’m in my preferred lifestyle. But I’ll never really stop criticising myself because if I stop then I’ll have given up reaching for the world. Even though I’m never going to get everything I could possibly dream, I’d rather still be able to achieve some of those dreams. 

Do you ever have a burn out? Let me know how you handle it in the comments below.

My Recent Burn Out

 

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London, UK